Because I Love You, That Dream Again
(Or, Happy ever sometime after)
when i at times deny some things in phrases
that are also implying their truthfulness
by the very fact, the natural meaning, the denial
sometimes i then retry the same dumb things in phases
but i am falsely reviling their usefulness
why i am lacking the eyes to match the feeling of my smile
because i love you
that dream again
in the universe next door
in the world of forms above
where things in themselves know just what to say
where love is always love
i 'm dreaming that dream again
that sometime happy ever after
the dream where everything is nice
the dream i cannot help but must refrain
the most imperative categorical ever
demanding use of passive voice
it must be given freely yes
for your listening is freely best
for you —to most naturally — agree
it must of course be your idea
per corporis sanguinem non meae Lamiae
neque pythonissam Medea
but i fear you’ve grown to hate - my voice -
i fear you’ll think my tone to be - complaining -
that would more than a pity be a sin
i’m afraid i’ have to start again
to try to tell you of the dream
that i want you so to want the knowing,
are you asking? are you asking?
really asking?
really?
its…
the thing that keeps me going
the dream i dare not voice
the dream i cannot tell you plainly
because this has to be your choice
and chosen healthily and sanely
i almost dream that dream again that most happy ever after
would you believe the thing that i want more than any any thing
is to hear you need to speak the sacred truth from the fullness of your heart
is to see you silent & still can be or bear to be no longer
lest your silence decieve me into believing
you endorsed a bad way a bad me
that you would let me go on wrongheaded
i think — or am i — just stubborn —
thick headed i want to be loved as the me i made myself
jaw sticking out to be loved as i love
but first i must be loved
it must one day be that i will heap up out of the small things of myself
something tall enough and great enough
that you couldn’t bear for me to think it, the very possibility anathema
upon hearing it decribed it moves you to negate
& o how i long to hear you negate the thing that i most fear
don’t understand why i’m so wrong
i hate failing when i’m maybe almost there
there where you let yourself dare to not stop yourself where
you let yourself care enough to change my mind
care enough to let the edge be rough when you know the heart & soul is kind
