Tolling, Or, Self Portrait With Recent Death

 

Occasioned by another death due to medical error of someone close to me.

Wishing I could cry.

DIY Heart Repair (Or, Even Now Someone Is Somewhere Daydreaming — About You): an instructable in verse

...wondering if I could explain how I did it, hoping to be understood

DIY Heart Repair

or, Even Now Someone Is Somewhere Daydreaming — About You

an instructable in verse

O being human hurt  O bitter fool in pain 

You who saw too much to want to ever see again

Perhaps a harmless riddle can distract you from your fear:

The heart was once named courage. Suppose yours wasn’t broken bad —

As an experiment. What if things — weren’t — quite as sad 

— they might not be as sad as they could be — dear —

Sincere, perhaps unsure, this sometimes cure, if practicéd as Art

can make the ugly weight of loneliness stop fucking with your heart

trade any sweeping gesture for a kinder patient touch

As choices become habit, so is Fate reborn today

lo — que será, será — no es siempre porque

— because — what will be will be— not so much

Your fantasies, your thoughts,  let them loyal serve your Will

This world is vaster & more intricate than it ever has been full

& —What will be, might just — be what — could

y— que será, será — lo que — se podría

a veces el milagro que suceda debería

Let Love’s sometimes miracle happen as it should

But beware! You’ll find this skill’s best reach effective shown & actual,

Be sure in mind to well test each selected counterfactual

If your virtue & your patience be but unafraid — & true —

You’ll find the holy secret is in how to learning tell

seem from seeing — be from being —  knowing well

the only one who you can trust to be that brave is you

the quick smart friend will have jumped over another lazy birthday, great!

the quick smart friend will have jumped over another lazy birthday! great!

any/all answers available alternately as analogy / aphorism/ apostrophe / algorithm: ask & accquire

let local largely lighthearted lassaiz-faire layabouts lecture

any advice advertised as at all adventurous appears attractive, albeit as an afterthought.

so, sunshine, such shall seem, somehow scarcely serious, somewhat secretly swank,

kismet’s key : kiss kittens knowing kitty kinks; keep knowledge kosher, keep kindred kind;  kybosh knotty kerfuffles

an authoritative attack (artificial, actual) after all actually attenuates aforementioned absolute assumptions

yesterdays yoga yields yawning yellowing yearning yammering  years. yet  you’re young; yes, youthful.  yay: yipee., yum.

after all, animated, & adored, all  aspirsants acknowledge & acqire atavistic attributes, 

mishandling mental mirrors made mystery much more mundane, made mastery much more mysterious, made melodrama multiply 

any articulate artist’s assumed actualized, authoritative,  an arbiter affecting admittedly academic aristocracy’s æsthetic authrenticity 

darling, don’t despair, don’t doubt: depression deteriorates, decays, draws dull dying days determinedly down.  demand 

all available ablebodied angels adjacent accommodate, attend, & affectionately administer agreeable assistance as appropriate.

Because I Love You, That Dream Again (Or, Happy ever sometime after) | a poem by a Faust

 

Because I Love You, That Dream Again

(Or, Happy ever sometime after)

when i at times deny some things in phrases 

that are also implying their truthfulness 

by the very fact, the natural meaning, the denial

sometimes i then retry the same dumb things in phases 

but i am falsely reviling their usefulness 

why i am  lacking the eyes to match the feeling of my smile

because i love you

that dream again

in the universe next door

in the world of forms above

where things in themselves know just what to say

where love is always love

i 'm dreaming that dream again 

that sometime happy ever after 

the dream where everything is nice

the dream i cannot help but must refrain

the most imperative categorical ever 

demanding use of passive voice

it must be given freely yes 

for your listening is freely best 

for you —to  most naturally — agree

it must of course be your idea

 per corporis sanguinem non meae Lamiae 

neque pythonissam  Medea

but i fear you’ve grown to hate  - my voice -

i fear you’ll think my tone to be - complaining -

that would more than a pity be a sin

i’m afraid i’ have to start again

to try to tell you of the dream 

that i want you so to want the knowing, 

are you asking? are you asking? 

really asking? 

really?

its… 

the thing that keeps me going

the dream i dare not voice

the dream i cannot tell you plainly

because this has to be your choice

and chosen healthily and sanely

i almost dream that dream again that most happy ever after 

would you believe the thing that i want more than any any thing 

is to hear you need to speak the sacred truth from the fullness of your heart 

is to see you silent & still can be or bear to be no longer

lest your silence decieve me into believing

you endorsed a bad way a bad me 

that you would let me go on wrongheaded

i think —  or am i — just stubborn — 

thick headed  i want to be loved as the me i made myself 

jaw sticking out to be loved as i love

but first i must be loved

it must one day be that i will heap up out of the small things of myself 

something tall enough and great enough

that you couldn’t bear for me to think it, the very possibility anathema

upon hearing it decribed it moves you to negate

& o how i long to hear you negate the thing that i most fear

don’t understand why i’m so wrong 

i  hate failing when i’m maybe almost there

there where you let yourself dare to not stop yourself where 

you let yourself care enough to change my mind

care enough to let the edge be rough when you  know the heart & soul is kind

My First Real Poem, Written When I Was Seven, (new graphic representation)

 

Lest we wax illegible again, the plain text:

Poem: "Visions Pass Before My Eyes"

newer title: "The Private Response Of An Intelligent Well Behaved Young American Child" late 20th c.

newest title: "To A Future Understanding, From A Past Misunderstood"

Visions pass before my eyes

of other times & other lies

& stranger claims of 'Truth' and 'Right'

to counter mine of Dark, & Light.

Strangers' cries of 'Understand!'

through my fingers fall, like sand:

they cannot, will not, comprehend,

their way obscured by Reason's End.

True Blue, Or Natural Nymph a birthday alliterative acrostic

True Blue,  Or, Natural Nymph @vickichorn on the occasion of her 56th by @femalefaust Victorious, very, virtually verifiably If in its impossibility is its identity Cast, capturing certain chosen customized characteristics  Kindhearted klutzy kittens’ knowing keyboard kerfuffles Inarticulate if ideopathically intelligent ideations Call cautiously, come clean, command: “Create!” Hollow hulls help hasten hoary husks!” Outlast our ostensible others, often odious, or otherwise!” Remember, reality rewards righteous responsibilty royally!” Now need never, natural Nymph!”

immanence (plain text)

immanence

or, the pleasure is all mine

simultaneous imagining can be && 

is

a taking delicious this placing your my self time

if

it's an if in that its is is an own that already was

it

because would if could be come should a like

does

to any if so perfect the tangible actual

as

such a just said so analogy

by 

a 

female 

Faust

Strangelove, or Why I Never (plain text)

Strangelove , 

Or, Why I Never

@MarcelloLyotard by @femaleFaust

Stranamore  potrebbe non essere stato in grado  sopprimere  l'inclinazione  per avere il primo sorriso  in verso  un Perimetro  ma  quel Dottore  dovrà essere stato in grado fare leva  la destra  per avere l'ultima risata  fuori da  una Mano Morta.

Strangelove  may not have been able  to suppress the inclination  to have the first smile  in toward  a Perimeter but  that Doctor  will have to have been able to pry  the right  to have the last laugh  out of  a Dead Hand.

NOTE: Perimeter & Dead Hand are two names (in translation of course) for the real world Doomsday Device created by the Russian Military.   

see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dead_Hand