Thursday, February 9, 2012

darkness (singular: to the second person, more than the first, or third)



alone - am i ever? where are you? 

all of this living 
and dreaming and thinking together was all me 
and none of this 
all this time some did i see 
did i know you you know i did see 
i did 
some time this 
all this of-- no one and me -- 
always together thinking and 
dreaming and living this, 
of all you are 
wherever i am alone 

so this is what it is after so many years
of thinking that i was you 
of thinking you thought so too 
of thinking my thinking you knew 
of thinking our thinking we two -- of -- thinking --not thinking it through -- 

oh at first just a bit for a fantasy 
at first just a bit of a role 
a childhood perfect made new for me
your spirited interest made whole 
whatever before was frightened 
to stand up and boldly declare 
what we always already had known 
to be true to be right to be --- there --- 
to be 
-- cause certainly different entirely wasn't it 
different assumptions the cause differing memories mistaking 
that i and that you and that was 
and was it really was it really all that time wasnt it true wasn't it us? it was ours! was it you? 





alone 
- am i ever? where are you? 
all of this living 
and dreaming and thinking together was all me 
and none of this 
all this time some did i see 
did i know you you know i did see 
i did 
some time this 
all this of-- no one and me -- 
always together thinking and 
dreaming and living this, 
of all you are 
wherever i am alone 

was it yours? all those hours was it true? were you at least thinking my thinking was --- 
were you at all ever with me 
or was it me who wasn't with you? 
did you enjoy as i fancied your following
me not knowing. discovering finally, 
able to think and to plan and to live, because at last the blindness and loneliness by some miracle no longer baffled us and so at long last thus 
unfettered the soul within each of us free could fly and could dream and could think all the things we had 
saved up to be 
all the tests and experiments 
all the experiences saved them for when 
there'd be two so that i wouldn't have formed all alone 
here'd be room for us both in my discovery in my discovery 
my discovery would somehow also 
be you which it wasn't now was it 
something you knew and you knew that i'd do anything to make it be true 
you knew and you never betrayed you never left either and you never swayed 
never, ever at long last let on, 
never though i was afraid --
did i hear what you were telling me telling me telling me telling me telling me telling me telling me 
soon you would no longer tell me 
so earnestly soon you would no longer hope for it innocently 
soon you would have to rethink your patiently soon you would 
have to account for your energy 
soon you would have to be turning away 


not giving up no but infinity 
and infinite promises lie 
that tirelessness of the heart retreating into steadfastly hoping one day 
i would maybe review one day 
i'd most certainly do something that would 
-- echoing --- through --- i would be 
all alone here with shadows 


no way to make it all new 


all alone as i was all along 
because maybe nothing was you





alone - am i ever? where are you? 
all of this living 
and dreaming and thinking together was all me 
and none of this 
all this time some did i see 
did i know you you know i did see 
i did 
some time this 
all this of-- no one and me -- 
always together thinking and 
dreaming and living this, 
of all you are 
wherever i am alone 

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